by Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. (reprinted with permission)
Every one of us is a leader. You may be the leaders of a business, corporation, a nation, your children, an organization or your own life. Regardless of who or what you lead, you have a job to do as a leader. Almost every job comes with a job description ... except being a leader. I know there are dozens of books available describing "leadership" usually in some kind of organization. there are few, if any books describing how to successfully lead your own life. To partially fill that void, below are a few suggestions.
Our primary job as the leader of our lives is to increase our self-awareness. There are always aspects of our personalities that we have ignored, repressed or otherwise banished from our awareness. Sometimes those aspects are talents and abilities that were never acknowledged. More often they are feelings, thoughts or opinions we were told were bad, unacceptable or shameful. Regardless of what about us that is hidden, our first job as leader is to learn about our whole and evolving selves.
Your next task as leader is to always be direct, forthright, honest, and never judgmental. Always tell the truth at least to yourself. Never evade anything, including your own ignorance. Self-deception violates most all principles of good leadership. Never make up anything to fill the gaps of your lack of knowledge. Maintaining your own integrity is one of your most important leadership tasks.
Listen to yourself. Listen to how you express yourself. Listen to what you say and how you say it. Listen to what you don't say. Listen to your intuition. Listen to your feelings. Listen to what your body tells you. Listen to that "still small voice" within. Leaders listen to themselves. They listen to the impact they have on others.
Become your own best friend. Care for yourself as you would care for a loved child. If you don't care for yourself, who will? It is no one else's job. If you fail at the job of self-care, every other aspect of your life is negatively affected. When you succeed at self-care, you bring to life a happy, healthy person. When you enjoy who you are, you bring an enjoyable person to all your relationships.
Demonstrate in your living those characteristics you would like to see in others. There are some time-honored personal character qualities that make life so much more fulfilling and successful. Some of these include: humility, persistence, love, patience, kindness, compassion, authenticity, contentment, forgiveness and generosity. According to your personal value system, identify those character qualities you would like to develop or strengthen. A leader's job is to continually learn to grow into the best person s/he can become. Keep in mind, we are constantly becoming what eventually we are going to be.
Keep an open mind and heart. A closed mind loses its imagination. A closed heart loses its ardent desires. William R. Lucas once wrote, "That which you vividly imagine, sincerely believe, ardently desire and enthusiastically act upon will inevitably come to pass."
One final descriptor of your job as the leader of your life: exemplify for others that which you most want them to become. We all tend to imitate those people we admire. As an effective leader, be certain you live the quality of life your would want others to emulate. The more you love your life, the more likely they will love being in your company ... the more they will imitate what they see in you. Becoming a genuine lover of life is the highest calling for any one who aspires to be a leader.
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Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D., has 30+ years experience as a Life Coach and Licensed Psychologist. He is the author of "Practical Psychology" and a co-author (with Patrick Williams) of the book, "Total Life Coaching: 50+ Life Lessons, Skills and Techniques for Enhancing Your Practice...and Your Life!" (W.W. Norton, 2005)
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